The HONEST (anti)guide to WFH

With the lock down that many countries are having these days and the need to work remotely, I’ve been noticing an increasing number of posts about how to work from home. I think many of the advises are quite obvious, but some of us tend to gravitate towards a “different” experience when we start doing it. So, here is my satiric guide to how to NOT work from home:

Free-Photos / 9091 images – Example of a perfectly fine home ‘desk’
  1. Turn off your alarm. No commuting means extra time, and the office has flexible starting time, what could possibly go wrong?
  2. Wake up, go to get some breakfast, put your phone to charge and realize you had a meeting 10 minutes ago. Which genius decided to set up a meeting at 9am when everyone usually starts arriving at 9.30m?
  3. Put on a shirt. Don’t worry about the bottom part (it’s an online call and you’ll be sitting down) If you are female improvise some make up without washing your face (no time for that).
  4. Take your laptop and sit in the living room. Everyone is still asleep, surely they wont disturb you.
  5. Try to pretend you’ve been in the call all this time when it’s your time to speak.
  6. Your favorite relative appears in the background and turn the TV on. Turn microphone and camera off while taking the laptop to a more private room.
  7. Come back to the call and apologize for having “connectivity issues”. Turn the camera off and on a few times to prove your point. Finish your talk.
  8. Your relative walks behind you and starts speaking to you without noticing you are in a call. Shut them up.
  9. Realize your microphone was on. Turn off.
  10. The call continues. Realize that the camera is pointing down and you were still wearing your pajamas. Turn it up and hope nobody noticed it. They have.
  11. Finally the meeting is off. Go to speak with your relative who is now very angry and offended because you shut them up and try to explain the situation. They don’t quite understand it.
  12. Go back to your improvised desk. Start checking your slack and email.
  13. Realize is time for lunch. Go to have lunch.
  14. Go back to work. Notice everyone started pinging you while you were having lunch.
  15. Reply to your coworkers, even the ones that are sending you blogs about how to work from home and other jokes.
  16. Go get a snack.
  17. Go back to work. Start reading blogs about how to work from home.
  18. Go to get a drink, the snack made you thirsty.
  19. Go back to work. Remember you were working and close the blogs. Do a bit of work.
  20. Go to the toilet (badly needed now because of the drink you had before).
  21. Go back to work. Realize the day is almost done and you have not done anything useful. Start doing some work.
  22. Your relative comes over. You chat for a bit because you feel guilty about before.
  23. Go back to work. Read the latest news about the global pandemic.
  24. Your neck hurts and back hurt because your desk and chair are not ergonomically set and you have the habit of sitting down in weird positions. Go lie down.
  25. Go back to work but immediately pick up a personal phone call from someone asking how everyone is getting on.
  26. Go back to work, it’s time to turn off the laptop but since you’ve done nothing and you are at home you can make up staying a bit longer…
  27. It’s 9pm. Realize you’ve done nothing really useful today, but tomorrow… tomorrow you’ll be super productive! All you need is to do is to set up some daily milestones and read one more blog about how to work from home.

I hope some of these made you laugh a little and was worth your quarantine’s time. These days I am working on a side project, but that’s…well..another story.